In A Rut

Have you ever felt like you are stuck in a rut? I have found myself thinking this way a lot recently. Like I've been stuck and I can't get out and no matter how much I am digging and such to gain traction, I simply find that I am making a bigger hole to be in. I find that I am not the husband I want to be, not nearly loving and caring and attentive anough to my wife. I find I am not the father I want to be spending enough time with my boys and teaching them to be men of God. I find that I am not the leader I should be, teaching and instructing people in growing with God. So I take a step back and look at what I am doing and find that ...guess what I am not the Disciple of Christ that I want to be either.

Our church has started a new initiative or the next three months (Oct, Nov, Dec) about being a "Real" Christian. Now normally I would have a lot of issues with this, and I do take some issue to the idea that I am not a real Christian, or that it is possible to be more "real" a Christian than I am, but I find that when I evaluate where my life and walk really is...I'm not being as real as I want to be when it comes to being a Christian. I can recall in the not so distant past spending long times with God praying that He would grow me more into His image, that I could walk closer with Him and follow Him more ernestly. He was the desire of my heart and the longing of my heartbeat. I made not a move without talking to Him about it, and my passion was to know Him. Now...I find my self a little...bland, weak, puny, when it comes to walking with God. I am not talking about wallowing in a life of sin and backsliding..not the issue...more so something worse. I find apathy, and indifference. If I take a true look at myself...I would possibly even use the words of Matt 23:27 - "You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones" Jesus was talking to the Pharisees in this passage dare I say that I am acting like one of them?

The point of this is a few things: 1. I want to return to my first love. Oh God, may my heart again be yours above all else. I want to see the gifts you've given me used for your glory. Not wasted and squandered like buried talents. I think that it is easy to let "stuff" get in the way of our walk with God. Work, life, family, money, time, health, etc. all these things are easy to look at and it is easy to start to allow them to become our focus. I want my focus to be Christ. I seem to remember somewhere someone saying that if we seek first His kingdom and His righteousness...everything else will fall into line (I paraphrse). I want to seek Him first.
2. I want to encourage others to do the same. I don't know that I have many followers to this blog yet, but I am hoping to start posting regularly and if what I have to say blesses you, challenges you, enrages you, offends you or does anything else to you please feel free to pass it on and to comment on what I have to say. I look forward to this hopefully becoming more than simply my thoughts and ramblings. I digress though...Think with me for a momentwhat would happen if we as believers truely committed to walking as followers of Christ? as "real" Christians? Have you ever read the book "In His Steps"? If not I suggest it. Remember the WWJD craze a few years ago? "WWJD - What Would Jesus Do?" I still find WWJD items in my house and in stores from time to time (I refused to buy anything WWJD myself when it was commercialized) but anyway, the WWJD came from the book "In His Steps" a fantastic book about a pastor to challenges his church to ask themselves "What Would Jesus Do?" before making ANY decision...and the results of the experiment. But what if we really lived out our faith? God took 11 men of no account and no popularity and no renown, and changed the world with them. He still uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. What if we truely lived like we actually believed what we say we believe? Can you imagine the consequences? I haved tried very hard to teach my boys that all their actions have consequences...sometimes good if you make a wise choice...sometimes bad...if you make a poor choice...but there is always a result to your choices. My wife and I after praying made a choice to step back from helping with our youth at church after we had been doing it for several years. As you may or may not know I have a desire and calling for youth ministry...which has not yet been fulfilled, so you can imagine, this was a difficult desicion to make for us. It seemed like sacrificing a dream to follow where God would lead us. I have several times recently been reminded of what God told Abram "Go...to the land I will show you" I can see Abram asking God..."But where is this land...how do we get there...what is it like...can I provide for my family there...is there water...are there nice neighbors?"...and on and on. But God just told him to go. Gave him no details just..."Go" Abram's responsibility was to be obedient. So we gave this up, and it has had consequences..but I won't go into all of those here. The point is...What if we truly follow Him? What could happen if we sold out to God in EVERYTHING? Jesus did "Only what the Father told Him". And then He tells us we will do greater things still. Remember in Luke 4 when Jesus was in the temple? Read it through but especially verses 18 & 19 - that is our inheritance as children of God. I want to be doing this things and seeing miracles in the mundane on a daily basis. Can you imagine seeing a funeral at a graveside and walking up behind them and laying hands on the casket and raising the dead to life at God's prompting? I can. What about at God's prompting going into a deserted park at 3 in the morning because there was someone there you needed to talk to...and in your obedience you stop an armed robbery from taking place and witness to a lost individual? I've live it. Or simply having a friend who has a hurt shoulder, and saying "Sit down we are going to pray for you." and seeing them healed without any pain immediatly? Been there and done that. The point is...I want to do those things again, and I want to see others doing them...since it is what God has called us to do...be salt and light. Do it. (I have to being a Star Wars addict) "Do, or do not...there is no try" It holds true though. Either do it or don't but I'm tired of doing it halfway and "trying", I think it safe to say God is tired of it too (Rev. 3:16).
3. I want people to hold me accountable. By posting this, I put my desires out there and challenge people to hold me up if they see me slipping. We are the body of Christ, we must lift each other up, but we must also do this in love. It is easy to point out someone failing and falling, but it is quite another altogether to help someone out. A brother and sister will help each other out. I point out things to my brother, and make fun of him...but I would never seek to offend or wound him intentionally. He is my brother. The same goes for my sister. I love them, and want the best for them. So we must challenge each other, but we must lay aside the slander and gossip and infighting. Christ said people will know us by our love. I remember reading several years ago about a celebrity who had chosen to be a muslim after researching several of the world's religions. When asked why his response was "Well, I would have become a Christian...but I know too many." A scathing review which we have done little to improve as the body of Christ, but we can make the choice to change and need to do so now.

I close this rather lengthy blog by simply saying this: I want more. My wife and friends will tell you I know a lot of things about God and religion. I could teach many college & seminary theology classes easily. But the point is I don't want to know ABOUT God...I want to KNOW God. I subtle but VERY distinctive difference. I want to do more than just believe. Even teh demons believe..I want more. I'll let you know how it goes.
th